With Love to Give

When Mallory and Aaron Layendecker started their journey to adopt a 6-year-old boy with special needs from Colombia, they knew they would face challenges. But through preparation and a commitment to advocating for their son, he is thriving in his new home and family.

Several years ago, Mallory and Aaron Layendecker were the parents of three young children, but they still had love in their hearts and space in their home for another child. Ever since childhood, both Mallory and Aaron had felt a calling to adopt, and at this point in their life, they were ready to take a leap of faith and move forward.

In January 2023, Mallory was looking through Holt’s waiting child photolisting when she came across a child who tugged at her heartstrings. Adelmo was a 5-year-old boy with a radiant smile, dressed in a bright orange shirt. He had been living in foster care and then in an orphanage in  Colombia since he was 18 months old, and his profile indicated that he had apraxia of speech (a neurological disorder that makes it difficult to speak), possible autism and a liver condition.

After reading more about Adelmo, Mallory felt that her family might be a good fit for him. Her husband, a high school Spanish teacher, is fluent in the language, and their neighborhood in Missouri is home to many Latino people. Most importantly, they felt they could meet Adelmo’s needs and help him thrive.

Still, Mallory wondered about all of the “unknowns” surrounding his medical and developmental needs.

Before long, Mallory contacted Holt and requested more information about Adelmo. She asked Holt’s adoption team detailed questions about his known conditions, potential diagnoses and future needs. She and Aaron contacted an international adoption clinic and reviewed Adelmo’s adoption and medical files with a physician experienced in intercountry adoption. Mallory spoke to friends working as child therapists and special education teachers to learn more about autism and speech delays. And she and Aaron researched resources in their community to find out what services would be available to Adelmo should they decide to move forward with his adoption.

At times, it felt as if Mallory and Aaron were being blasted with information, but they understood the importance of being fully informed and prepared to care for a child with special medical and developmental needs. After taking some time to reflect, they ultimately decided to submit their Letter of Intent to adopt.

“When Aaron and I began the adoption process, we knew we had love in our hearts for a child with special needs — a child who needed someone to advocate for them and help them survive,” Mallory says.  “It was a lot to pray about and consider, but we also felt we wanted to take the biggest leap of faith we ever had and bring Adelmo into our family.”

When Aaron and I began the adoption process, we knew we had love in our hearts for a child with special needs — a child who needed someone to advocate for them and help them survive.

Marissa Robello, Holt’s director of adoption for Colombia, worked with the Layendeckers during the adoption process, and can speak to both the preparation it took and the soul-searching required to make such a leap of faith. “When a family begins the adoption process, they receive training on various topics, including the impacts of health and environment on child development,” Marissa says. “Even before completing a homestudy, families research specific pediatric conditions, identifying those they feel comfortable with and prepared for. From the beginning of their process, the Layendeckers demonstrated thoughtfulness, resourcefulness and commitment. They asked good questions, did their homework, sought guidance when they needed it and had realistic expectations. As a result, the many adoption professionals in the U.S. and Colombia who assessed this family saw their capacity to parent a child with complex special needs.”

Overcoming Financial Barriers

Upon starting their adoption journey, the Layendeckers knew they had enough love and resources to give Adelmo everything he needed to thrive once home with them in the U.S, but they faced one significant barrier. They didn’t have all the funds required to adopt from Colombia.

Thankfully, they learned that Holt provides free adoption finance coaching to every family in the process of adopting.

The Layendeckers’ adoption process from start (submitting an application to Holt) to finish (traveling to Colombia to be united with their son) took about 18 months. During this time, the family held a number of adoption fundraisers, ranging from garage sales to plant sales to t-shirt fundraisers. Guided by their adoption finance coach, Mallory also set up a spreadsheet and began applying for — and receiving — grants at different points during the adoption journey. Then shortly before traveling to Colombia, Mallory and Aaron were awarded a $3,000 Special Needs Adoption Fund grant through Holt. Funded by the generosity of Holt donors, the grant is given to families with a demonstrated financial need.

In all, the Layendeckers secured $37,000 in grants, thanks to their persistence and help from their adoption finance coach. “When we started the process, Aaron and I thought, ‘How in the world are we going to find $50,000 [to cover our adoption fees]?’” Mallory says. “But our adoption coach encouraged us to just tell our story, and said, ‘If it hits someone’s heart, they’ll be willing to help you.’”

Preparing for Travel

In July 2023, Mallory and Aaron traveled to Colombia to adopt Adelmo. Since they were scheduled to spend four weeks in the country, they thought it best to leave their small children at home in the care of their grandparents. Prior to travel, however, Holt and the care center in Colombia set up weekly video calls between Adelmo and the Layendeckers to help with the transition. This gave the family a chance to meet Adelmo, and allowed Mallory and Aaron to explain to their children how Adelmo expressed himself — through sounds and gestures, rather than words. During the waiting period, the family also read many children’s books about adoption. In addition, Mallory and Aaron met with a Holt social worker who guided them through Holt’s child-specific preparation and training activities to review their resources and expectations.  

On July 27, six months after the Layendeckers had submitted their Letter of Intent to adopt, they united with Adelmo in Colombia. While the legal process of adoption in the country was well organized and went smoothly, there were a few unexpected bumps in the road. For one thing, both Mallory and Adelmo contracted a parasitic infection on their first day together, which impacted them both for much of the trip. In addition, Adelmo had little muscle tone in his legs, and it was hard for him to walk more than a city block. To cover any ground, Mallory and Aaron had to push him in a stroller.

We recognized that we were strangers to Adelmo and the transition must have been traumatic for him.

In hindsight, the experience of managing these physical challenges, learning to bond with their new son, attending to the required adoption appointments and being far from home was more emotionally exhausting than the couple had anticipated. “We also recognized that we were strangers to Adelmo and the transition must have been traumatic for him,” says Mallory. But even within these difficult circumstances, the Layendeckers were able to enjoy many special places and meet many special people in Colombia. And their love for Adelmo — along with his trust in them — continued to grow.

Settling in at Home

After a month in Colombia, the family returned to Missouri in the summer of 2023. At first, Mallory and Aaron placed a bed for Adelmo in their room, so that they could all nest together. “This was important in that I’m not sure Adelmo had ever slept alone in his life,” says Mallory. When Adelmo eventually moved into his own room, however, he struggled to sleep through the night. He would awaken after 45 minutes to pull clothes out of drawers and put them on, and he got excited by all his toys. “Adelmo would be awake all night and exhausted during the day,” Mallory adds. To help support Adelmo, they created a very simple bedroom with no distractions, making it easier to relax and sleep through the night. Gradually, he began to sleep better on his own. Adelmo also made swift progress in several areas — developing relationships with his siblings, showing affection, building confidence in daily activities and gaining six pounds in his first month at home!

Mallory admits that the first six months were extremely difficult, but in time and with help from a medical team, family support groups and education advocates, things began to get easier. Mallory and Aaron were grateful to have Holt’s support during this time as well. Their social worker was very attentive in checking in with them and encouraging them through the difficulties of the initial family bonding stage and adapting to being parents of a child with special needs.

In addition, the Layendeckers advocated for Adelmo at school — ensuring he receive an Individualized Education Plan (IEP). He is now enrolled in a communication, behavior and social skills program, where he is in class with 10 other children who have autism. At school, he has access to a speech therapist, an occupational therapist and a physical therapist, and is learning sign language from his teacher. Outside of school, he sees a chiropractor who works with children with special needs. The practitioner helps to regulate Adelmo’s nervous system through chiropractic adjustments.

Adelmo has been with us for only 18 months, and we’ve seen so much progress. What’s his life going to look like in five years? My hope is that, as a family, we can continue to advocate for him and help our son live the best life possible.

Then a big breakthrough came in May 2024 when Adelmo was diagnosed with a disease called classic galactosemia. People with the illness have an inability to process dairy to the point where their body turns it into a toxin that attacks their vital organs. Adelmo’s doctors explained that this disease may contribute to some of Adelmo’s struggles, such as his speech apraxia, issues with liver function, developmental delays and delayed growth.

As soon as the Layendeckers learned of the diagnosis, they eliminated all dairy foods from Adelmo’s diet, offering him plant-based “dairy” substitutes instead. They also closely read all food labels, looking for hidden dairy products. In turn, the results have been nothing short of remarkable! Within a month, a rash on Adelmo’s face had entirely disappeared. He is now able to fall asleep on his own, and most nights, Adelmo will sleep for 11 to 12 hours at a stretch. In addition, Adelmo seems to have more energy and stamina, and as a result, his muscle mass has improved. “This diagnosis was a game changer for Adelmo,” says Mallory, who continues to make her son his favorite Colombian dishes — without dairy!

Finding Joy as a Family  

Adelmo, now 8, has been home for nearly 18 months. Mallory and Aaron have found joy in watching him grow both in stature and development and in hearing his first words (Mama and Papa). Adelmo’s siblings, who are currently 9, 6 and 4 years of age, have grown to be his loyal advocates, including him in games with other children. In fact, when one neighborhood child asked recently if Adelmo can talk, his 4-year-old brother responded, “Yes! You just don’t understand him yet!”

 As Adelmo continues to settle into family life, there will no doubt be challenges along the way, but Mallory sees in Adelmo a resilient, trusting child who appears to be happy “98% of the day.” She credits him with having a “little servant’s heart” and for being helpful around the house, placing napkins on the table before dinner, for example, or helping to clear the table afterward.  

Although adopting an older child with special needs took a huge commitment of time, resources and effort, Mallory feels that once she and Aaron committed to the process, both the resources and support she needed came into her life — from securing adoption grants to fund their adoption to finding other mothers who adopted children from Colombia with special needs. One mother in particular has reminded Mallory that the challenges she faces today may be different in six months’ time as Adelmo changes and grows. “Adelmo has been with us for only 18 months, and we’ve seen so much progress,” says Mallory. “What’s his life going to look like in five years? My hope is that, as a family, we can continue to advocate for him and help our son live the best life possible.”