couple walking down path holding adopted baby

How to Write a Meaningful Update to Your Child’s Birth Mother

Many adoptive parents struggle with what to include in an update to their child’s birth mother. Questions frequently asked: Am I providing too much information or not enough? Am I going to make our child’s birth mother feel sad if I talk about all the amazing things we are doing as a family? Should I include pictures of our child with us or just alone?

Below is a detailed “Dear Birth Mother” letter update. Consider writing something along these lines when the time comes for you to write to your child’s birth parents.

Hi Katie,

Brian is continuing to keep very, very busy. He is furniture surfing with ease, he barely has to hold onto the table/toy box. Brian is able to transfer from one thing to the next without any real effort. He is also crawling around the entire first floor of our house, he is really happiest exploring the kitchen and living room.  Brian was at his Aunt and Uncle’s (and cousin’s) on Sunday and he was so excited for the new large open space to explore.

We have a number of globes in the living room, and Brian loves to sit and spin them. He also really likes looking out the front windows. Dan was raking leaves and Brian crawled right over to the window, and stood there watching him work for more than 5 minutes (that is a long time for Brian).

Brian also really likes to watch the neighborhood landscaping guys that come through from the office window. We have a large field behind our house, and the city has a team come out every Wednesday to mow, and now mulch the leaves. I happened to be home sick with the flu a few weeks back, so I was able to see my mom with Brian. She rolls her chair to the window, and Ben will sit on her lap for the entire time the team is out back, craning his neck every which way to see them as the weave in and out of the trees.

Brian is developing a ton of hand-eye coordination, so much so that he is starting to be able to use his toys as they were intended, My mom had bought him a set of smallish wooden cars. Once she opened them and sat on the floor with Brian, he immediately started pushing them around. All while my mom made “vroom vroom” sounds for him. He also had a dump truck that has a place where you can put a ball in, and it shoots into the basket part of the truck.  Brian had gotten really good at lining up the ball and pushing it in, I have included a video. Brian has also begun to stack toys that are intended to be stacked. An example would be the toys that place rings on a post. Sometimes he gets them right on, sometimes he needs a bit of assistance.

Brian is also showing that he is incredibly determined. We used to keep his books along the inside edge of the family room. One day last week, Brian and Dan came in from daycare, Brian crawled right over to the gate and tried to use his books as a step to get to his car. I’ve included a picture, needless to say we have moved the books to the outside of the gate unless we are using them. We do still read to Brian every night, our routine is bath, then books, then bed. Brian is able to turn the pages himself.

Also, he loves to sit on his push car and be rolled back and forth while you say “vroom vroom.” He makes a very serious face while doing so but don’t be fooled, he loves it. When you stop he immediately protests. He also makes a b-line for the car when he sees it, so much so that we had to hide it in another room.

Brian is also growing so much, I have included a picture that is a side by side of him from 9/25 and yesterday. It’s amazing how much taller he is, I think we will have to move him to 24 month clothes this week. We had his 9 month check up about 2 weeks ago, he is 24.5 pounds and 31.5 inches long. Brian has now had his full flu shot since it comes in two doses for infants. He did really well at the appointment, the only time he wasn’t good was when the pediatrician went to look in his mouth at which point he clamped down. He really does not like people looking in there. Speaking of Brian’s mouth, it looks (and feels) like he has two molars coming in, the top and bottom left. Hopefully they should cut through soon, they have been working their way in for about a week now.

We hope you are doing well.


Read these tips for sending pictures and letters to birth mothers! 

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