Adoptee Van Dai Nguyen shares a college essay he wrote reflecting on his decision to be adopted at age 16 from Vietnam, and how adapting to change has become a recurring theme in his adoption experience.
There’s a meme that says, “Adapt or Die.” Seems fitting in the fast-paced technological world we live in now. But it’s always been true. If a species doesn’t adapt to its environment, it will die out. Or at the least it will decline in numbers until irrelevant. I’ve been told I’m pretty good at adapting, but I didn’t really understand why all the adults in my life kept saying that until recently.
In Vietnam, I lived with my grandparents until I was 9 years old. By then my grandparents were getting too old to take care of me and sent me to the local orphanage. I wasn’t happy about it, but I thought I would just try to do my best. When I was 9, I didn’t think to myself, “Hey, I need to adapt or die.” My new family was made up of the Catholic nuns who ran the orphanage, caretakers and other orphans. It was a big adjustment at first. Living communally in the orphanage was very different than home with its constant activity and lots of kids of all ages. The nuns treated us with love and emphasized education and discipline. I got good grades in high school, so the nuns recommended me for adoption. I was excited and nervous when I heard that I had been matched with an American family. Because I was almost 16 years old at the time, I could have refused the adoption, stayed in Vietnam and begun my life as an adult right away. I was finally old enough to make some decisions for myself. I didn’t speak much English and I knew it would be difficult, but it was a great opportunity.
The first shock I encountered in America was the weather. There was a big snowstorm when we arrived at the airport in New York City during an icy cold January. I had never seen snow in real life or experienced freezing temperatures before. It was -13oF around midnight when we arrived at JFK airport. My Vietnamese village is tropical, so my American parents brought winter clothing for me to wear home. They gave me a winter jacket, hat, gloves, hoodie, fleece pants and wool socks. When I asked them (using Google Translate) which one I had to wear they told me, “All of them at the same time!” I couldn’t really believe them until I stepped out the airport doors. The air was so cold it felt like my face was being hit with burning needles. The wind felt like it was blowing through my chest even though I had so many layers of clothing on. I saw my breath for the first time. While waiting for a cab, I tried to make circles when I blew out my breath. Only two days before this I had never even owned a winter coat and lived my life in flip flops and shorts all year.
It turned out that adapting to drastic and sudden changes like the weather would become a recurring theme in the narrative of my adoption experience. Coming to America was challenging but rewarding. Overnight I had to get used to everything that was new and different yet again. New country, new family, new language, new house, new school, new friends, new food. Now that I am settled in my American life, I can look back on this experience as helping me to understand the meaning of adaptability; how it has led me to become who I am today and who I can become tomorrow. I believe that adaptability is the intersection of loss and acceptance; apprehension and perseverance; East and West. Adaptability is the place where son, orphan and adoptee converge.
In 2018, we traveled with Van Dai’s family as they adopted him from Vietnam. Watch a video and read a story about their adoption journey, including the moment Van Dai met his adoptive mom, dad and sister for the first time!
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