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Preparing for Difficulties
How to aquire the skills and support to effectively meet your child’s needs
By Mike Noah, MSW—Dir. of Social Services for Eastern Europe and Latin America
Adoptive children, particularly those who arrive older and those who have spent significant time in an institution, may at some time present needs or issues that their parents would describe as “difficult.”
While some parents seem naturally adept at overcoming these issues, these same parents will often describe attitudes, actions and skills that have enabled them to deal effectively with their child’s needs.
Adoptive parents must be their child’s best advocate. Being proactive in understanding their child’s needs, being committed and flexible enough to continue this process over time as new or unexpected issues arise, will pay off in the long run.
Realistic Expectations
Successful adoptive families have reasonable expectations of themselves and of their adopted children. When a child’s strengths and limitations match their family’s expectations for them, and a family is prepared to adjust their parenting and life style to match the evolving needs of the child over time, realistic expectations are being set.
Be Prepared
Many children are developmentally delayed upon arrival, particularly those who have experienced any length of time in institutional care, or have received inadequate stimulation in their global development. Although many will catch up on their own, others will need intervention to foster proper development.
Families who are well prepared and informed often find the proper tools and methods to make hardships easier to overcome in the future. Review all medical information available about your child, request additional information when advisable, and seek opinions from a variety of sources. Consider as many issues as possible: medical, social, psychological, behavioral, educational, developmental, and emotional.
Early recognition and treatment of issues is key. Considering a child’s current and potential needs prior to arrival is much easier than having to deal with something that suddenly emerges later. When you understand the circumstances surrounding your child’s adoption, you’ll better understand his or her behavior, and be better able to support your child in the future.
Traumatic experiences prior to adoption—such as abandonment, poverty, illness or death of parents, alcoholism, drug abuse, child abuse and neglect, poor pre- and post-natal care, or lack of health care—may have to be dealt with some time during your child’s growing up years. It is beyond the scope of this article to touch on all of the possibilities; however, some issues are more common than others, particularly developmental and speech delays.
Language and Speech
Many institutionalized children have speech and language delays at the time they are adopted. An abrupt change of language, while in the midst of learning another, may cause developmental and linguistic problems. However, with early intervention most children’s language development will be normal.
Generally children with poor language development also struggle with listening, processing and integrating information, which in turn can cause problems related to learning, language, and personal relationships. Children with auditory processing problems often have speech and language difficulties as well as general learning.
Under the Individuals with Disabilities Education Act (IDEA), children with speech delays are eligible for an evaluation through public funding. If a child needs treatment, he or she might be eligible for several age-based programs. Children up to 3 years of age, for example, commonly receive treatment through an Early Intervention Program (IEP) in their home or in a daycare setting (free of cost in some states). Older children evaluated by their school system may be eligible for free treatment through their school. If the child is not eligible for public services, parents should seek referrals to a private source, such as a licensed speech-language pathologist or speech therapist.
Developmental Delays
Generally a child will be one month behind in their global development for every three months they live in an institutional setting. When children are not adequately stimulated in their early formative years, a variety of important developmental building blocks are missing or poorly constructed, slowing down any further advancement of development.
A good occupational therapist or developmental pediatrician will be a valuable resource and can often recommend good techniques to help improve your child’s development. Another option is Early Childhood Intervention (ECI), a free service throughout the United States where specialists screen and assess children for vision, hearing, and developmental delays, and make recommendations to help children reach their potential.
Educational Needs and Learning Disabilities
Don’t assume that all teachers or school administrators are knowledgeable about the special needs of adopted children. You may have to seek out the necessary services for your child. English as a Second Language (ESL) education is available in most public school systems. The U.S. public education system is required to accommodate all children, no matter their needs. The Individualized Education Plan (IEP) is a set of goals and strategies specifically geared toward students with special needs. IEPs can be developed for children with vision impairments, hearing or language problems, or other learning disabilities. Young children experiencing developmental delays may also qualify.
Resources
Consult with Adoption Clinics/Medical specialists:
Many parents consult an adoption-medical specialist to review information provided by the adoption agency on the medical history and growth and development of the child they intend to adopt. Many also have their children evaluated by one of these specialists soon after arrival. Most of these physicians have traveled extensively and many are adoptive parents themselves. They have a lot of experience in reviewing children’s information and have unique insights and ideas to share. When needed they can suggest specific interventions and referrals, and can recommend general and country-specific tests. (See the list on page 24.)
Develop a Support Network:
Get your support system lined up ahead of time. People who have a strong and dependable network of supportive relationships are better able to cope with difficulties as they arise. Get connected to other parents, adoptive parent support groups, medical personnel, and educators.
Families with good local support systems have positioned themselves to get the help they need when needed. The positive impact and influence from a variety of sources can make all the difference in enabling a child to adapt and meet their potential.
Choosing a Therapist or Counselor:
When you need help, it’s important to get help from the right sources—adoption sensitive services and therapies. Go to a counselor or therapist who comes highly recommended for their skills in dealing with children who have the same issues as your child. Ask your adoption social worker, your school, pediatrician, or other professional for a reference to the resource you are searching for.
The Web as a Tool:
Internet technology provides adoptive parents with opportunities to become better informed, prepared, and supported through the lifelong journey of adoption. The Internet can be a valuable resource for those in the adoption circle—if you keep in mind the nature of the medium. Perhaps the greatest strengths of the Web are information and connectivity. It is easy to go to a search engine, type a few search words, and get a long list of resources. Much of this information will serve you well, but the Web should supplement rather than replace other sources of information. The challenge is to find credible sources of reliable information. Do rely on the expertise and support of your local adoption professional/social worker and your adoption agency.
Multidisciplinary Team Evaluation:
For more complex problems and multi-problems, we highly recommend you have a Multi-Disciplinary team Evaluation (MDE) done to help assess the extent of your child’s issues and to point you in the direction of appropriate resources. These evaluations assess all areas—medical, developmental, psychological and other areas as needed. These types of evaluations can usually be done at most large community or university hospitals. Consult with your pediatrician, an adoption clinic specialist, or your adoption social worker regarding who you should contact for this type of evaluation.
Keep searching and asking for what you and your child need. It’s fine to ask a professional about their experience with adoption during your initial contact with them. “The most effective adoptive parents are skilled problem solvers, not people who have experienced no problems—having the ability to seek help and accept constructive criticism from other people” (from a book entitled Identifying And Preparing Adoptive Families For Children With Special Needs, Co-authored by Denise A. Goodman, PHD., M.S.W.).
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