Birth Mothers Protest in Korea

[OneBlessedMama]

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Korean adoptees from abroad and birth mothers protest overseas adoption
By Kim Young-gyo

SEOUL, Aug. 5 (Yonhap) - Roh Myung-ja has gotten together with her son every year since 2004, when she was reunited with him after giving him up for adoption about 30 years ago. She is one of thousands of Korean women whose children were adopted overseas.

The 49-year-old Roh believes what she has experienced in the years before her son returned to her should not happen to anyone. Now, she works as a staff member of Mindeulae, (Dandelions), a civic group of South Korean parents whose children were adopted overseas and who oppose the nation's adoption system, which sends thousands of orphaned and abandoned children abroad.

"We hope that no other mothers have to go through the pain and suffering that we went through. Overseas adoption leaves deep-rooted scars both on the birth mothers and the children," Roh said in an interview with Yonhap News Agency on Saturday.

About 30 Korean adoptees from abroad and 10 birth mothers, including Roh, came together Saturday for a rally in downtown Seoul calling for the government to abolish international adoption from South Korea. The mothers and adoptees were not all related to each other.

They held up picket signs that read, "Real Choices for Korean Women and Children,""Korean Babies Not for Export" and "End Overseas Adoption."
A signature-gathering drive also began to express opposition to overseas adoption. The civic group plans to collect one million signatures nationwide.

Government figures show that there have been about 87,500 domestic adoptions, versus 158,000 international adoptions, since the end of the Korean War in 1953.

In 1977, Roh had to give up her 11-month old child, and had no idea that her son had gone to the United States.

"I was literally shocked when I got a phone call in 2004 saying that my son is coming from the U.S. to look for me," Roh said.

Roh said that no one asks or is responsible for what happens to the children after they were adopted overseas.

"My son luckily turned out fine. But who knows what other kids undergo?" she said. "The day when I took my son shopping for the first time, he said to me, 'This is my first time in my life that I went shopping without caring that I am not white,'"
Roh's son, who was not able to make a trip this week to Seoul from South Dakota, wholeheartedly supports her actions, she said.

Jaeran Kim was one of the adoptees from overseas who joined in Saturday's protest. A social worker focusing on domestic adoption in the U.S., Kim was adopted from South Korea by a U.S. family in 1971.

"When people talk about the adoption, they don't care about how the child grows up or how it affects the birth mothers," she said. "The adoption system is too much dominated by the adoptive families and the adoptive agencies."
Kim stressed that she did not have negative experience as a Korean adoptee in the U.S. and is in a good relationship with her adoptive parents.

"It is not a matter of whether you had a good experience or bad experience as an adoptee. The adoption system goes way beyond that. It works within a political, institutional structure of society," she said.

Kim, who was on her third visit to South Korea, has not been able to find her birth parents yet, but plans to live in South Korea with her husband and children for a while in the future.

"Adoption does not only affect me as an adoptee, but it also affects my family -- my husband and children. My children do not have their grandparents in South Korea, and they lost their part of the Korea culture, too," she said.

She argued that a child should be adopted by the extended family or extended community at least, and that international adoption should be the last option.

South Korea, the world's 11th-largest economy, was the fourth country in 2004 following China, Russia and Guatemala to send the most children to the U.S. for adoption, according to a research paper by Peter Selman, a British scholar.

[jilo77]

I have to reply after reading this. I have to wonder what would happen if they ceased all international adoptions with the US. I can't imagine that domestic adoption in Korea would all of a sudden pick up overnight and all of the children that are waiting would find their families. In a perfect world, yes that would happen. In a perfect world, no birthmother would have to make such a difficult decision as to make an adoption plan in the first place. In a perfect world, no one would have to experience the pain of infertility either. Don't get me wrong, I am happy that they are promoting domestic adoption in Korea. There are times I am sad that my son was not able to grow up in his birth country and for that reason I will make it a point to introduce his culture and celebrate it often. I know it is not the same but it is the best I can do as his mother. This article left me feeling guilty that my child was "exported". In my eyes, we were united as a family. And in the article it talks about how at the very least a relative or extended community but Iknow in my son's situation this would never had been an option due to certain circumstances. I can never fully understand how a birthmother who has to make such a difficult decision feels so of course, these words are coming from an adoptive mother's point of view. I often wonder and worry alittle how my son will feel later in life about being a Korean adoptee in US. I hope that he never feels "exported". That would break my heart.

[korea3]

We were told by our SW (Holt) that international adoption is the last option for the children that come into that program. She said that keeping the family together is first, adoption by extended family second, domestic adoption third and always last is international adoption.

[Soontobe4]

The only way to guarantee where your child will be raised, is to raise it yourself. It is so sad that she is so angry, but how would she feel if she found out her child was raised in an orphanage, uneducated and strapped to a crib for all this time. And there was no word she searched for her son after 30 years- would she have been better off not finding out?

Hopefully these ralleys will create support for local adoption, support for single parents, and funding for botht thos things.

[OneBlessedMama]

I think people process loss in many different ways. Some people become angry. Perhaps these birthmothers are angry because Korean society is not more accepting of single women raising children alone, or, that the Korean government hasn't done more, in the way of government assistance, to allow birthmothers to keep and raise their children.
I do not blame these birthmothers for being angry. Can you imagine living in a society that would scorn both you AND your child if you tried to raise them, without benefit of husband and marriage? It was not too long ago that OUR society was like this. In some places, it still IS like this.
I can only pray that domestic adoption becomes more accepted in Korea. Ending international adoption in Korea right now, in my opinion, would be tragic. It seems to me that anyone would prefer having a child raised with a loving mother and father, preferable to being raised in an orphanage, even if said orphanage was in the child's birthcountry.

[redsonja]

A key factor to remember in this is that all these women and all these adoptees are form an adoption system decades old. They do not know that things are done differently now. They are protesting the process that they went through, some 30 years ago. I would protest that system as well. The system now, and the way we parent these kids now, is leaps and bounds different than what these individuals went through. There is a definate disconnect here, and it's something that needs to be remembered when reading articles like these. I feel for these birth mothers, they surely got the short end of the stick. The system is different now, and it can of course always be improved, say open adoption, that would be wonderful. I just feel that they are protesting something that is 30 years old.

[korea3]

Sonja - I agree. I would hope that these groups would do a little research into the current situation before speaking.
Kelly - I really feel for these mothers too and I do hope the stigma of domestic adoption will change in Korea. Do I wish my children grew up in Korea? Yes, but wishing for something and the reality of the children that need homes RIGHT NOW are two very different things.

[Cheryl in Iowa]

Sonja:
I am a little confused about why you say that the system has changed from 30 years ago. Can you give some examples of what you mean? In what ways has the system changed in Korea? In what ways is it different?

[Jennifer in MT]

I think that her suggesting that Korean adoptees are worse off being adopted internationally shows the need to educate more Koreans on the benefit of adoption in general, both domestic and international. The chances of her son being adopted domestically 30 years ago was almost nil. Given the stigma of single parenting and lack of domestic adoption where did she think her son was for 30 years. I truly hope she would not have preferred that he was in an Korean institution his entire childhood.

In America, Korean adoptees do have a difficult time with the "minority" factor especially if they live in a mostly white area. They do have difficulty fitting into the Korean community as adults. They do have to deal with racist remarks and ridicule while in school and beyond. They also have the opportunity to go to school, have loving families, a family and home to go back too after reaching adulthood.

I do not feel guilty for adopting Korean children and bringing them home to America. I will provide them cultural activities and awareness but I am raising them as Americans the same as my other children. I will whole heartily accept their searching for birth families and reaching out into the Korean communities as they show interest. We will take them to visit Korea as they get older. If we lived in a diverse area I would love to visit Korean stores often but unfortunately they are not available here.

[jay&jen]

Can you imagine living in a society that would scorn both you AND your child if you tried to raise them, without benefit of husband and marriage?

I agree with Kelly here - these women have a right to feel angry. The fact is even today Korean culture still does not empower single women to raise their children. It is still common practice not to tell domestic adoptees they are adopted. It is my honest hope that my child is one of the last generation of Korean children adopted internationally. I think the country is moving in the right direction and in the not too distant future there will be less stigma attached to single mothers and domestic adoptees.

keeping the family together is first, adoption by extended family second, domestic adoption third and always last is international adoption.

Absolutely, though I would add orphanges and the foster care system as the ultimate last resort.

Just my two cents.

[redsonja]

Sonja:
I am a little confused about why you say that the system has changed from 30 years ago. Can you give some examples of what you mean? In what ways has the system changed in Korea? In what ways is it different?

I don't mean that fundamentally the process has changed, what I meant was that the way we go about raising these kids has changed. 30 years ago the adoptive norm was to Americanize these kids immediatly. It was the same for immigrants as well, Americanize yourself so that you fit in. Back then it was understood that you emphatically denied who you culturally and historically were. Now you were an American, no if's and's or but's about it. You lived a caucasian existence, despite the fact that you were not caucasian. Now, we embrace our children's heritage. We let our children decide who and what they are, and then we honor their feelings about it. We do not stifle our children's feelings, and we explore with them where they came from. There is a much stronger pull now to understand that our children are from a different heritage, and we strive to learn about that heritage and keep it as current as possible for our kids. We don't expect them to be caucasian, because we recognize that they aren't. Also, now I don't know if this was different 30 years ago, but I would say that it probably is so, now we send pictures and letters to birthmothers that the agency keeps in a file. The poor woman in the article had no idea that her child went to the usa. Now, if a birth mothers looks at that file (assuming the adoptive family has sent letters/pics) the birth mother would know where her child is, and what kind of life they are leading. If this woman didn't know where her child went, I would assume that they kept the birth mom's in the dark completely, which I would protest as well. I think the fundamental difference between then and now, is that now we recognize that there is hurt involved, for everyone, adn we try to heal those wounds to the best of our ability. Back then they just ignored them. That system absolutly needed to be protested, but I think it's a very different system than we are working in today.

[NCgirl]

They held up picket signs that read, "Real Choices for Korean Women and Children,""Korean Babies Not for Export" and "End Overseas Adoption."

I think the focus of those who desire to end international adoption in Korea would be, in one way, better served to work towards changing how society views single mothers. To imply that Korean babies are "exported" like a food or product is absurd. These children are brought into homes with mothers and fathers who love them like their own flesh and blood and would move heaven and earth to do whatever they could for the good of these children's lives. Obviously if there were homes within Korea for all Korean orphans then none would be available to be adopted internationally.

"My son luckily turned out fine. But who knows what other kids undergo?" she said.

I would say that "luck" has nothing to do with how her son turned out. He was probably raised by a mother and a father who loved their son and poured their lives into him. It breaks my heart that she would say "who knows what other kids undergo?" Does she not know that for MOST (if not all) of us that our children are our treasured blessings--that they are our joy. That we are pouring into them all we possibly can--love, opportunities, culture, etc...

[Karen J]

It is understandable that these women are angry. I pray the day will come that there will be no need for international adoption in Korea. I don't know what kind of counseling the birthmoms received 30 yrs ago but I think they get quite a bit now. One of the babies we were referred is being raised by her birthmom and I am assuming by herself. It was clear to me that Holt had provided this young woman with a lot of help. I'm not sure if that option would have been there 30yrs ago.

I can say that I think about my children's birthmom's almost everyday. When I am rocking them to sleep, I pray for them that they can find some peace in the decision they have made. That they will know how much we love them and how happy they are. Sometimes when my son smiles his beautiful smile with his whole face I think of his bm and how proud she would be as he is starting kindergarten and he is so smart. Ok I think you get it. We look forward to going to Korea someday with our children also.

Karen

[Linda in NJ]

My first feelings on this article is that it's a very one-sided opinion. Alot of bm feel the way she does. But, I know tha alot of bm's feel they did the right thing for their child.

I have no doubt that Grace is better off with us in a white community in the US than she would be in Korea TODAY. We saw first hand in Seoul how she was treated by people in public as a second class citizen. Grace is much better off in the US where she is treated as an equal and will have many opportunities.

One good thing I hope comes out of this protest is that it encourages Koreans to adopt children. Many Korean's believe that our children are not truly Korean because they aren't raised by Koreans. Also, the number of children adopted internationally is an embarrassment to the Koreans because they "don't take care of their own". I have had several Koreans here in the US explain that to me. Korea is really trying to encourage Koreans to adopt.

Linda

[ZoeKLT]

We were told by our SW (Holt) that international adoption is the last option for the children that come into that program. She said that keeping the family together is first, adoption by extended family second, domestic adoption third and always last is international adoption.

We were told the same thing. Our younger son was nearly 2 when he came home, so I truly do believe that if domestic adoption had been an option, it would have happened during that time.