Families with 3 children.. can I pick your brain?

[Shell Del]

I am the youngest of 3 girls in my family. My older sisters have only a 3 yr age difference between them. There is an 7 yr age difference between me and my middle sister and a 10 yr difference between me and my oldest. My oldest sister's kids are in their mid 20s. My middle sister's kids are in their teens. My kids are 4 1/2 and 19 months. My older sisters have a decent relationship with each other. My relationship with my sisters is very casual in that if I don't do the work to keep us in touch then we aren't in contact much. It doesn't help that we are military and move every 2-3 yrs but it is what it is.

I'm curious what other families experience with 3 kids in the family. Do you find that 2 are quite chummy while the 3rd kind of floats around? The reason I ask is we are considering adding one more sweetpea to our family but I keep getting hung up on the whole 3rd child thing. I realize no two families will be the same as far as relationships go. Our kids would be fairly close in age which would be hugely different from my own family. I'd love to hear your thoughts...

[hikinglorax]

I am one of 3- 2 yrs between me and bro, 7 between me and sis) and while my bro and I had a love/hate relationship until adulthood, I really don't see much of either of them. My sis did just "hang around" but she also had medical problems.

I have 4- and the space between them is 4 yrs, 2 yrs and 19 months. The middle two hang together, but often the oldest two can be found playing together. But between the oldest having Aspergers and the younger two being so young- it is hard to tell how it will all shake out as they grow- right now I don't find it to be an issue at all

[Leigh]

Hey Michelle
Will enjoy reading the responses here. My youngest and oldest are 6 years apart. My two oldest are 8 and 7.. youngest 2. In some ways it's like starting over...but not. There have been awesome things: older sibs love him.. he gets a ton of attention; and has (for most part) some really good role models.. They also have been able to help a bit (they offer). They're gone during the day and given his now SN's (speech) it's in many ways positive as it's only he and I on the road to speech and other things all week and I have more time to work with him. That wasnt the case with my middle child who was 13 months younger than oldest, BUT my two older are close (my oldest will never admit to that ) not only in age, but their activity/interest level. For us this has worked. In the perfect world, I sometimes wonder if having sibs a bit closer together isnt a bit better? For instance he goes to their dance class on Tuesdays and he actually is really good (great receptive skills) and can follow directions. The teacher has let him participate and sometimes he does BUT mostly he wants to play but there's no place to play. We end up in the car usually. And then I miss what my older two are doing in class. I think with every scenario and every child (temperament) you're probably gonna have different situations. If our little guy was a super mellow, go with the flow guy, I dont think he would be bothered by some of the stuff for the older two. Good luck and keep us posted
Leigh

[familyof5]

I went back and forth on our decision to have/adopt #3 and a lot of this was based on this. But then I realized that whether you have 2 kids or 6 kids, you just don't know how they will grow up and get along. Personalities play such a huge part in it. It is, most of the time, out of our control as parents unfortunately.

Mine are 2 years apart. Almost 5, 3 and 1. My 5 and 3 year old are seriously the best of friends. (boy/girl). I just told DH today that I hope so much Juliana fits in with them because they have SUCH a tight bond.

I wouldn't let it hold you back. Seriously. If YOU want another one, go for it.

[mom.mia.kai]

I have two siblings. I am and have always been very close with my middle sister ( I am the baby). The older sis was never really close with us growing up. However, she and my middle sis are close now that they are older. There is an almost 5 year age difference b/t middle and oldest and 6 year difference b/t me and oldest. Less than a full years difference b/t me and middle....I'm sure age made the biggest difference for us....well, that and personalities....

[GloriaNJ]

Our boys are 4, 2 and 1 and they all get along great. At times the two youngest seem attached at the hip - they play hard and fight hard - their relationship is an emotional roller coaster but they constantly seek each other out. My oldest is a "mother hen" and plays very well with both of his brothers - he hates to be alone so he's happy for the companionship of either one. The youngest idolizes the oldest and will imitate him to the point it's almost funny.

They constantly rotate who's playing with whom at any given time and no one is ever deliberately excluded so in our case it works out really well. They certainly have their moments and get into arguments and fights, but for the most part it's happy chaos.

We were worried about a third wheel as our oldest two were so very close but when Jonny came home he was gathered right into the fold with no real problems. I think it helps that he has a strong personality and has no qualms about asserting himself and jumping into the mix.

[LeighW]

My DH is one of 3. He is significantly younger than his older brothers--10 and 15 years. Still all three have a great relationship.

My kids are way too young for me to have an idea how it's going to turn out. My DH has a great philosophy though, that we should do things with all the different combinations. Each parent with all 3 kids, each parent with 1 kid, each parent with combinations of 2 kids, both parents with all of the above. So we try to do that. Otherwise, I think we would always divide up the oldest vs. the 2 youngest, since the two boys are 11.5 months apart. We are really trying to foster relationships between all the kids, not just the two who will be lumped together for their entire childhoods.

I have a friend with 3 and the same spacing. Hers are teenagers now. She says the oldest and the youngest have the best relationship.

good luck in your decision making.

[Mom to Korean Kids]

My three kids are close together in age. My oldest, my DS, is nearly 5 and my youngest DD is 2. All of the kids are buddy buddy with each other at various times during the day/week/month. It just depends upon the mood, the toy one of them is playing with, personality that day due to amount of sleep the night before, and more.

Jen

[Kim in California]

I am the baby sibling of 3 girls. Our ages are very close. I will be 42 on Monday, middle sis is 43 and oldest sis is 44. All three of us were born within 33 months of each other. And my mom was only 20 when I was born. .
Anyway back to your question.
My 2 older sister are best friends, but not until they were grown. They are very very tight and I am a 3rd wheel, but not in a bad way. To be honest I just don't have as much in common as they do and it is okay with me. I get along with them both great and talk to both of them frequently, I am just not best friends. They travel together, spend almost every weekend together ect.
Growing up I was a very sick child with a lot of medical issues. I was at the doctor all the time and had several surgeries. I think my sisters just grew a very close bond, because I was getting the "attention" even though it was really out of my control. We had a 3 bedroom house and my two older sisters shared a room and I had my own. They liked and wanted it that way. When I was young I did feel completely left out and lashed out in anger at them sometimes. I do think my parents could of handle things MUCH different, but my mom was VERY YOUNG ( I can remember her 25th birthday) and did the best she could.
I never got along with my sisters growing up. Even though all 3 of us were in high school at the same time we didn't even hang around together, have any of the same friends ect. We were all totally different.
Once I had my oldest son Christopher that is when things changed. My sisters were the BEST Aunts to him and our relationship then changed for the postitve.

My kids are 20, 16 3/4 and 6 years old. My boys are not really close, but they do get along and do things together when my oldest is home. They call each other occasionally. Natalie is VERY close to both of her brothers. She talks to Christopher every single day on the phone and when he is home she is his constant companion. Natalie also is very close with Aaron. He plays with her, rides bikes, will take her places with him and his friends ect. I feel vey blessed that Natalie has older brothers that invest time in her. I was worried because of the huge age difference, but it has been much better than I could have ever imagined. I also figured Natalie would be like an only child but it is not that way at all. I really think she will always have a tight bond with her brothers because they will always be looking out for her.

I really think it is hard to tell how your kids are going to be with one another as they get older. I think a lot depends on personality, but also intrests and where they end up living. Some also has to do with the spouses that your siblings marry as well.

Kim

[Shell Del]

Thanks so much for all of the replies.

[Gayle+Mark]

I am the middle child of three girls. I am 3 years younger than my older sister and 3 years older than my younger sister. I have always loved loved loved being the middle child. I have always felt like I got the best of both worlds -- could play "up" or "down." My sisters are 6 years apart. They didn't have much in common growing up. But now they both live in the same city, and they are pretty close. I live 1000 miles away. We talk a lot via e-mail and phone calls. We see each other 3-4 times/year. I would say that we're all really close. We love spending time with each other. We are truly friends.

I have 3 kids. My middle is 3 years younger than the oldest and 2 years older than the youngest. Right now, there's a lot of bickering going on in my house. But I wouldn't change a thing. Well, I'd add another boy if I could get my DH on board!

[EandT]

My dh is one of three siblings (middle) and is very close with his sisters. There are two years between he and his older sister, and three between him and the younger sister. Baby sis is military, too, but we still see them every couple of months--at least!--and talk at least once a week.

We have three kiddos: 6, 4, (almost) 2. Two boys and a girl. The boys get along great, and the oldest gets along really well with dd. Our middle struggles a lot with dealing with other kiddos (he has SPD and would prefer to be alone rather than with other "noisy" kids) and our dd frustrates him a great deal because, well, she's 2 and she's loud. I think it will get better as they get older. Our oldest is a nurturer and is great with getting everyone to play together and helps the other two get along better.

[MomKatOR]

Our three are almost 11, 8, and 2 1/2. So far they all are very close. The mix is always changing, who plays with who. Our youngest two (both girls) room together now which I think has really made their relationship closer. My oldest two (boy/girl) used to room together when they were young and have similar interests. Hopefully they stay close as they get older. I have just one brother who I was very close to as a kid but when I went to college my parents got a divorce and homelife was icky for awhile and I think it kind of drove a wedge between my brother and I because he went through it first hand and I didn't. We still talk but don't have that closeness, you know? Anyway, so far three kids is great for us. The hardest part is going on vacation because a lot of hotel rooms say max occupancy is 4.