I feel your pain. I understand how much it hurts. I am so sorry you are dealing with this issue. For me, at this point in my life, I am too old (51 yrs. old), too poor, and have health issues that would prevent me from adopting again. But, for some reason, I still think "The more the merrier!!, Surely, there is room for one more." Children have been a great blessing in my life. I too, am having a hard time accepting that adding a new son or daughter to the family is no longer possible.
Have faith, Zoe, that God will bless your life in ways that you could never have imagined because you love children. Nothing makes God happier than for us to love a child. For now, maybe you could consider other avenues to have more children in your life? Volunteering is a great way to enjoy children. There are many wonderful volunteer programs, such as Big Brothers/Big Sisters. I help out at my church's AWANA club, and at our homeschooling co-op. I love it!! I plan on going on a mission trip someday too, can't wait!
Take care. Hope you feel better soon. Try to have fun this summer! God bless.