Tough Article - Inside Ethiopia's Adoption Boom

[Rich MOMents]

Article:
Inside Ethiopia's Adoption Boom

[6xblessed]

Wow- that is tough. I think I would always feel very uneasy if I were the adoptive parents in this situation.

[Jacqueline&David]

That is so, so hard. I actually know someone on another forum who recently found out her son adopted from China was not an orphan but was merely lost during a family vacation. Apparently no one tried to find the family even though he remembered not only his own name but the names of his parents and the province they were from. I think he was 4 at the time he was found lost on the street in the city they were vacationing in. I cannot imagine. They have just reconnected with his bio family.

I so wish that the adults in charge, regardless of country, would truly put the best interest of the children at heart. Wouldn't that be something.

[ecuador2004]

What will happen if they take her back to visit when she is 10? The family has been told she would be bringing or sending cash. How will the older siblings feel about all this little sister now has? How will the child feel when she is faced so clearly about the "unfairness" of life at such a young age?

My DD was 9 when she came home and both her and her 5 yr old brother were VERY unhappy that they were getting so many material things but we were not sending much back to their foster familiy. They had been asked by the Foster Father to have "The Gringos" send him a check for $1000 so he could buy their apartment and not have to pay rent. I am thinking he may have been 1/2 joking -but the kids did not see that. They were unhappy when I said we woud not be doing that. But - no way was I going down that road!

[elfkin]

That is so, so hard. I actually know someone on another forum who recently found out her son adopted from China was not an orphan but was merely lost during a family vacation. Apparently no one tried to find the family even though he remembered not only his own name but the names of his parents and the province they were from. I think he was 4 at the time he was found lost on the street in the city they were vacationing in. I cannot imagine. They have just reconnected with his bio family.

I so wish that the adults in charge, regardless of country, would truly put the best interest of the children at heart. Wouldn't that be something.

That would destroy my heart.

[Lori at the Beach]

Wow... interesting article. Thanks for posting. I think the adoptive parents are doing the right thing by keeping in touch with the biological family but could be some challenges esp. with the family expecting money.

[hikinglorax]

And that was from an agency considered (at least until recently) one of the more ethical ones. While I didn't think so at first, I now think that that kind of story is the norm- with the only difference in degrees of what is promised/told/expected. There appears to be a substantial industry in "searchers" who find babies/children for IA- kids whose parents/family/village were parenting them. There is also now some rumors that some of the orphanages will not take the kids who truly need help (older, ill, SN, etc) as they want the infants and more adoptable kids.

The issue here though is less about the country not putting the children first- I do think they are trying as best they can to curtail this corruption. It is the agencies and other orphanage personnel who are really placing profit before children.

[papa#1]

I agree with Hiking and I will go a even farther. I hesitate to say this but I really believe that some of the case work done on this side is VERY suspect too. CASE WORKERS GET A CLUE, IT'S NOT ABOUT NUMBERS IT'S ABOUT QUALITY. Getting kids this side of the big PONDS is not an end in it's self, it's the beginning of a new life for a child that should be positive in EVERY way. Sorry folks.

[hikinglorax]

Ej Graff's reply

http://prospect.org/article/dont-adopt-ethiopia

[papa#1]

How dollars corrupt the process from the beginning to end. That might be a good title for a new thread. But you most likely not want to know what I think. No one can tell me that the amount of money involved in adoption these days does not effect decisions made from the begining of process to the end.

[JJ's Mom]

papa#1, could not agree with you more.

[ecuador2004]

PAPA#1
I looked for a LONG time before I settled on an agency because of what I had seen working in an orphanage in South America. I was happy with Holt- but the reality is the had to close their program in Ecuador because the number of adoptions (and the $$ from that) could not float the program anymore. I was glad to work with an agency that also ran an foster care progam - and worked to re-unite families. But - once they could not fund that program with international adoptions they could not afford to keep that progam runnng... sad reality

[mparker]

Thanks for posting this article.

In response to the child mentioned in the article, and children whose stories are like hers, I love this prayer.

"Lord help me to change what I can. Help me to accept what I cannot. Give me the wisdom to know the difference."

Of course stories like the one mentioned in this article are tragic, an outrage, and rips out our hearts. They must not be ignored. However, sometimes in my naiveness, I can't help but think sometimes it is also tragic that the bad apples in our world, are spoiling the whole bunch of good efforts that are being made to help needy children.

Yes, it is true that corruptness, downright evilness surrounds adoption. But, it is also true that there are millions of children in our world that need our love, help, and a forever family. I know so many people that have room in their hearts, and homes for a new son or daughter, but stories like this strike overwhelming fear in their hearts. They just don't want to have to deal with these possibilities. Why is it that the bad apples get so much attention, but successful efforts to find children forever families seldom makes the front news page? I really think that our news media could come up with some interesting, creative ways to feature positive adoption situations more often.

Let's face it, the public' s view of adoption is now; the Russian boy who was sent home, domestic adoptive families that had to return kids back to their birth families years later, international scandals of children being trafficked. From the sound of all this very horrific and bad news, one would think that anybody who adopts a child is insane!! I can't help but wonder how balance can be restored to the public opinion.

In regards to money and adoption, the Bible tells us that money is at the root of evil. I often stumble when I am asked a question about how much did my daughters cost. No matter what I think about proper adoption language, many people in America believe that adoption is buying a child. I have people (especially strangers), who come up to me (all the time) wanting to know how many thousands of dollars I spent to "get them" (my daughters). I can correct, and inform them all I want, but the truth is, many people will continue to look at adoption as a shopping trip to buy a child. My first thought is that we need to find a way to develop a more positive image of adoption. If people believe that adoption is only about money, corruptness, evilness, heartache, etc. what are we to do about millions of needy children who truly need homes, and the families who would love a new son or daughter, but are afraid to adopt them? IMHO, we need to careful in handling stories about horrific adoption situations, and adoption money issues. Although we need justice for children who have been violated, we also desperately need balance for the millions who wait. We need to be careful not to scare away PAPS. I don't know what the answer is, but I hope more will be done to show the positive side of adoption.

[Barbara]

After reading the other posts, I'm thinking that I am coming away from this article differently than some folks. Personally, I feel this is another adoption experience where more openness and communication directly between the adoptive parents and the biological parent(s) would definitely have alleviate some of the misconceptions and confusions experiences by both sides. In my opinion, every time there is another person/agency added as another intermediary in the process, the greater the possibility of miscommunications, fabrications and even out-right lies.

As part of the adoption process, the Roths and other adoptive parents traveled to Hosanna for an "entrustment ceremony," a ritual in which a birth relative symbolically transfers the parental role to the adoptive parents. The Roths stood across from Mr. Delebo in a circle and everyone chanted prayers.

The Roths also held a private meeting with Mr. Delebo.

With the surprise expectations of the birth father revealed, I wonder what exactly occurred at the above described meeting? I'm left wondering if the translater was an independent 3rd party or connected to the adoption agency in any way?

As for the "public's opinion" of adoption - I disagree with mparker. I think the public, in general, has a very good opinion of adoption. The examples cited, however, were examples of adoption-related illegalities. The LEGAL MOTHER of the Russion boy acted illegally in sending HER LEGAL CHILD back to his country of birth. Every domestic adoption I've ever seen/read about in the news was either a never-completed adoption or, again, was not done legally and ethically.

I also don't think money is the root of all evil, but that "people" still hold that honor.

And that was from an agency considered (at least until recently) one of the more ethical ones. While I didn't think so at first, I now think that that kind of story is the norm- with the only difference in degrees of what is promised/told/expected. There appears to be a substantial industry in "searchers" who find babies/children for IA- kids whose parents/family/village were parenting them. There is also now some rumors that some of the orphanages will not take the kids who truly need help (older, ill, SN, etc) as they want the infants and more adoptable kids.

The issue here though is less about the country not putting the children first- I do think they are trying as best they can to curtail this corruption. It is the agencies and other orphanage personnel who are really placing profit before children.

I agree.

[hikinglorax]

The problem is that it isn't a few bad apples- there are HUNDREDS (and the number is rising quickly) of families with these types of stories. I am sorry but I think in regards to Ethiopia in particular this is the truth of the situation and honestly- I think scaring away PAPs who aren't interested in understanding how corrupt the process is in many cases is a good thing. If you adopt from ET at this point you HAVE to be prepared for this possibility or work actively to prevent it. The ET boards are filled with parents who are having to tell their children they were stolen, or coerced from their first families and thousands more are hiring searchers to find out if the paperwork is true. Most of the people involved in adoption in country are out the agencies jurisdiction and even the most ethical agency has far less control over the process than they lead parents to believe. They can't guarantee anything at this point IMO. There are many ET APs who have met "dead' birth family, there is videotape evidence of agencies going into villages and promising exactly these things, when Ethiopia attempted to slow the process to more thoroughly investigate children prior to the court date Joint Council started a petition drive to pressure the ET gov't to continue the flow of babies. In addition, agencies (multiple ones) were misrepresenting the children and APs were not finding out about major special needs until after the children were legally theirs, requiring 2 trips to ET to prevent that fraud.

Ethiopia became the go to destination for healthy infant girls AYAP and ASAP. Agencies flocked to ET to start programs and (they or their middleman) began to harvest "orphans" And while there is a need for adoption in ET, most of those kids are sibling groups and older children or have special needs. Many of these children were being successfully parented by their parent(s), extended family or community

And for the record by the time of the entrustment ceremony the adoption is already finalized- the cultural misunderstanding was not between the adoption and birth family- the questionable conversations were between the birth father and the middleman/agency.