Update on ADHD Accommodations

[Mommyof5]

We requested some accommodations based on what the teacher told us in a recent parent teacher conference and what our ped suggested based on that information. Dh has been going to therapy and is being treated for depression we asked at the pt conference if she had noticed any change in his behavior as we had seen some positive changes at home. She responded "No --he still tapps his pencil or his feet, touches other peoples things and when they ask him to stop he may stop of a littl while be he will start back up again. He know exactaly what he is doing and he does it on purpose". I called his ped that very same day to see if maybe she though a change in ADHD meds should be made since he was still doing what I had always been told was typical ADHD behaviors. Ped said those behaviors are the impulsiveness of ADHD and the need for energy release that he has. They are NOT something that he can control no matter what the teacher thinks. Ped suggested some fidgiting devices that he could touch etc when he is feeling the need to release some energy. We got those thing put into place a few weeks ago along with a behavior plan that we suggested so that we could all monitor his "big" issues and see if we are making any progress. I asked the teacher today if she has noticed any change with the fidgiting devices and she said "Well he likes using them but I have noticed no change in his behavior. Mostly because off task, fidgeting behavior has never been his problem his problem is annoying others with this behaviors and not doing what i ask him to do the firs time I ask" (ie. within 3 seconds) OK so his behavior plan has shown that he has ALWAYS received all his points for interacting with his peers since we put the fidgeting device into place. I don't think she really understands his disabilities or she just refuses to accept them. I am thinking that it may be time to hire an advocate but I am not sure where to find one. Does anyone know where I would find one in Nebraska?

[ZoeKLT]

I dont' know of any advocates in NE - but I wanted to send support your way. It pains me to read what you and your son are going through. Your son sounds like such a typical kid with ADHD (at least, he sounds like he's behaving a lot like my son) and it's incredibly unfair that he is being punished this way! Ugh - he deserves to have a teacher and a principal who understand the situation!

[ecuador2004]

I agree you may need an advocate...

Can you imagine how horrible her life is if she works all day with kids - and basically does not understand them - or really like them...

Get someone else involved. I know it is late in the year - but can move him to another class where there is a teacher who "gets" his issues?

[Josh17]

Let's put yourself in her shoes. She has what?, 23 students in her class, all of whom have different learning styles and strengths. And she is supposed to teach to the average every day...finding balance...meaning the kids who get it will still be bored and the kids that are slower to get it will remain behind. Now add one or two kids that have personalities that are difficult (not ADD or ADHD but say growing up in a home that makes them emotionally challenging), a kid with ADHD , a kid that is constantly talking out of turn because they know the answer and is trying to move the class along to stimulate his/herself because he/she is bored out of their mind and a child who won't say a word and is continually failing. How do you measure success when you feel like you can't reach every child? Many teachers out of sheer necessity get to a point where they do the best they can, knowing that some kids just won't get as much as others.

As a mother or father...say you have 3 kids or 5 kids...is that easy to appease each one at the same time? It could be because you are the parent and your kids are all being raised with the same set of rules and moral standards. Each will come with his or her different personalities, but because of the boundaries a parent sets and the relationship he/she has with the kids since the day they were either born or came home, it is a managed even if it is chaotic at times. Then try to get done your list of things each day and feel that you have given each child all that they need. And that is only 3 kids...or 5 kids. And it isn't for a year, it is forever.

So you have an overworked, underpaid teacher that is being asked to give feedback of one of the 23 students in her classroom...the student who seems to be an issue for other students and frankly takes more of her time and energy which is at a premium as it is. And her response is not enough for you. I understand...you are more vested in your child's success than she is. Because he is one of 23 students to her and for this one year. And he has issues that often infere with the rest of the class. And she is tired.

This is assuming that she only has 23 students. In our area, the minimum class size for a public school is 30. Can you imagine? Drugs for kids with "ADHD" are so over prescribed and more often than not, kids who are medicated are done so by parents whose teachers have recommended it. I'm not judging you for using meds...I believe that there are meds for a reason. But I also know that there are many kids on meds who do not need to be.

So for what is it that you want to advocate? An aid? More feedback?

You are doing all that you can and I commend you for wanting to help your child first control himself and second, succeed in school. You are going to great lengths with the doctor, meds, devices and therapy...and that is really good. Please don't feel that I in any way say you are not doing very right things for your son. But rather than fight a school system while your son continues not to thrive, can you consider a different academic setting while you work on fine tuning your child's issues?

The classroom and the school is not just there to serve you and your child...but many children. And because of that, not every need a child has will possibly be met by school. I realize that your son's needs are greater and you are doing a lot...but don't assume the school isn't doing all that it is set up to do. Consider that the demands of your child are greater than the resources the school has in place.

Forgive me if I do not sound empathetic to your experience with your son, but I think you need to consider the other factors that affect how much progress your son's teacher can make with his great needs while also handling the needs of the rest of her classroom. Advocating to get her to do better for your son will merely make things harder for her. And frankly, if I were a parent with a child in the same classroom who had to lose time and/or attention from the teacher because she was busy doing all she needed to do for your son...that you advocated for your son, I'd be upset. And then I'd start making demands.

I am the parent who has been frustrated when my child didn't get to do math because of behavior issues with another student causing them to run out of time. I'm the parent whose kid needed a little bit more time spent on a lesson but they could not because they needed to move on to the next subject and the information was not fully learned, which only made the gap wider down the road as each lesson builds on another. But there was curriculum to keep...that checklist that every teacher works under...the expectation of all they need to learn by the end of the year or they might lose their job or the school funding if test scores are not high enough. I could demand the teacher keep moving and get the math done. I could demand the teacher slow down and wait until my child has completely grasped each concept. I could demand that the teacher give me a daily or weekly progress report on my child. And so could the other 20-30 kids parents.

I truly believe that we are not entitled to command so much done for our child until we are willing to do all that we can to help them...be it sitting in the classroom as your child's aid (for free), volunteering in the classroom to grade papers or lead reading groups so students can read to their level or help students who are falling behind after school...yes other people's kids.

You can spend a lot of time and money trying to force the school to accommodate your son's needs...or you can personally help the school help you son. Or you can help you son by either finding an academic setting that better meets his needs or making one yourself with you as the teacher. Yes, you are already incurring out of pocket costs with doctors and meds and tools to help your son...but it may cost you more to get the best for him. And he should get the best. But at some point we can not demand that help from a system who is not set up to do more than serve averages. Is it your right as a tax payer? I guess you could see it that way...but what of the rights of the other taxpayers who kids are in school and are affected by the demands your son puts on the classroom?

I've found that when it comes down to it, it is the parent's responsibility to fill in where the systems in place fail for their child. Is it fair? It depends on which side you are sitting on....

Personally, I feel bad for the teacher who I am sure cares and feels horrible that she can't help your son while also helping the 20+ other kids in her class and is then told that she has to do more when she may very well be doing the best that she can.

[Mommyof5]

Wow ok then I will be done here but I first have to say that I disagree that my child with a disability and my ds has others beyond the ADHD is not as deserving of an education as your Child who does not have any sort of disabilities. That is the message I took away from your post. I don't know why you think that I am NOT willing to do what is necessary I am one of only TWO room parents out of 24 kids in this room and I am active at the school and have been for the past 14 years that I have had a child there. I would gladly do her do the job of doing what it takes to help my ds in the classroom if I was allowed to and I have always been willing to work with our kids teachers so that we are supportive of schools expectations at home. What I want is to know what his problem issues are so that I can do whatever I can to make them better --- this would in the end make HER job easier. I also want my ds to be treated with respect instead of disgust and i will never ever think it is out of line to want THAT from the school.

[tysmyguy]

I, for one, would continue to do what is necessary for my guy. You certainly sound pro-active and that you're been doing what you need to do and doing what you can do.
And yes. The teachers are overworked. And yes, they are trying to address lots of accomodations. And no, they cannot attend to everyone's needs and accomodations simultaneously. BUT, there are teachers and principals who do a fabulous job of understanding kiddos with ADHD. And understand that the child cannot always help fidgeting and impulsiveness. And can give parents feedback about issues in the classroom at the same time that they can give praise. And can make a child feel valued for who they are. We have been lucky enough over the past two years to have found two of these gems. We definately still have occasional issues in the classroom, but the teacher can come to us with the issues and tell us how my kiddo has made them want to tear their hair out, and then tell me a funny story or about something he did that they enjoyed about him. And if warranted we can brainstorm on any changes that need to be made. And it shows with my son. He is no longer depressed. He has confidence. His sense of humor is showing. He has friends. (He had none of that when we had a teacher who did NOT understand ADHD. It was a horrible year and I will do everything in my power to make sure he doesn't have to go through that again.)
I guess I'm trying to encourage you to try to seek out these kinds of people for his next year. They do exist. I would also think that any advocating that you would do on your son's behalf will only help change things for the next child with ADHD. Whether it be finding an advocate, or providing the teacher with some studies on ADHD to read from experts in the field, to setting up conferences and bringing an expert along or perhaps contacting the director of special education in your school distric and talking over your concerns so that it might be addressed with the school staff.

[ZoeKLT]

Forgive me if I do not sound empathetic to your experience with your son, but I think you need to consider the other factors that affect how much progress your son's teacher can make with his great needs while also handling the needs of the rest of her classroom. Advocating to get her to do better for your son will merely make things harder for her. And frankly, if I were a parent with a child in the same classroom who had to lose time and/or attention from the teacher because she was busy doing all she needed to do for your son...that you advocated for your son, I'd be upset. And then I'd start making demands.

I am the parent who has been frustrated when my child didn't get to do math because of behavior issues with another student causing them to run out of time. I'm the parent whose kid needed a little bit more time spent on a lesson but they could not because they needed to move on to the next subject and the information was not fully learned, which only made the gap wider down the road as each lesson builds on another. But there was curriculum to keep...that checklist that every teacher works under...the expectation of all they need to learn by the end of the year or they might lose their job or the school funding if test scores are not high enough. I could demand the teacher keep moving and get the math done. I could demand the teacher slow down and wait until my child has completely grasped each concept. I could demand that the teacher give me a daily or weekly progress report on my child. And so could the other 20-30 kids parents.

I actually think that Mommyof5 does have the right to expect the teacher to do things to help her son. I am not a teacher, so I can only base this on what I have seen as a parent - but I have seen time and time again GOOD teachers do what it takes to help individual students. The mediocre ones teach to the middle - the good ones teach to the student. I have seen my own children get what I guess some would describe as "special treatment." My eldest son now gets daily progress reports - it was his teacher's idea and she is happy to do so because it has improved the overall atmosphere in her class. Sure, it would be difficult for every child to get this - but not every child needs it, so it would be unnecessary. I have seen the classmates of my children get "special treatment" - special privileges such as chewing gum (it's against school policy), special folders for homework, special seating assignments, special one-on-one time with teachers and tutors to master the material, etc - all things that my children did not need, so I did not request them. My son is an amazing reader, so he does not need any help with his reading. It would be ridiculous for me to expect my son's teacher to spend as much time with him on reading as she does with other children who struggle in this subject. I don't demand that she does because I know that she will do what she needs to help my son in those areas where he needs help.

I've also seen good teachers figure out how to get the children to help EACH OTHER, thereby teaching them BOTH something valuable and freeing up time for the teacher. At the age of 5, my daughter is helping her classmate learn how to hold his pencil better so that he can write his words more clearly. Having my daughter assist her classmate helps him, helps the teacher, and most importantly, teacher my daughter the importance of helping her neighbor. Last year, one of the other 3rd grade classes had a student with autism. Our school didn't remove the student from the mainstream classroom - instead, they taught the other children about autism and the other students volunteered to help her with her daily activities. Yes, I'm sure the student was distracting - but the lessons the other students learned from having her as part of their classroom community were far more valuable than anything else the teacher could have taught them during this time.

It is a false notion that what a teacher does for one student, he or she must do for all. All children don't need to be taught the same way - they need to master the same material, but a good teacher will be able to adapt his or her teaching methods to reach the students where they are. While it would be a challenge for ME to do it, I am not a teacher - and I've seen enough good teachers who can do that (9 so far and counting) to know that it is possible.

-Zoe

[Joanne]

Josh 17----- I'm stunned to read your post. I'm so sorry to the original poster for the complete lack of support and empathy, and who experience the brunt of those who truly don't get the pain, stress, worry and frustration that goes with disabilities and learning differences for both child and parent. Parents more often than not are working extra jobs, or sacrifing beyond the scope of comprehension to help their kids, have to pay an obscene amount of money for therapies, do massive amounts of homeschooling , tutoring, doctor visits, the list goes on to help their child function in things others take for granted,and worry every single minute if they are doing the right thing. Yes, that is what parents do for their kids, but for Heaven's sake, have some heart.

I will go back to FB now.

[Marltonmom]

All children have a right to a free and appropriate education. Plain and simple.

It is not your problem if the teacher is overwhelmed. It is the schools problem. And trust me, your son is not the only student in the history of your school district that has needed more support. They are pushing back and you have to push harder. She will only get the support she needs if parents complain. Do NOT worry about what others may think if you demand that your son receive the support he needs. And if someone voices any sort of complaint to you, which I highly doubt would happen, tell them to take it up with the principal and school board.

I would most definitely find an advocate. Your pediatrician or your therapist might be able to help. Are you keeping a log of all communication and incidents? You really need to do that. When you have proof on your side of all that you are trying to do to help your son and the road blocks you are experiencing with the principal and teacher you will have a stronger case. I have a child with ADHD and when we met earlier with my son's vice principal and teachers I showed the log that included all teacher communication, doctor's visits, medication changes, therapist visits, etc and took notes throughout the meeting. I quoted their exact words into my log, and if they said something questionable, i would ask them to repeat it so i could document it accurately.

Since you have already tried with the principal, it's time to contact the superintendent and head of special education services. Even though it's March and there is only 3 months left to the year, you can still switch teachers and also you need to lay the ground work for next year.

Hang in there,
Linda

[Josh17]

Wow ok then I will be done here but I first have to say that I disagree that my child with a disability and my ds has others beyond the ADHD is not as deserving of an education as your Child who does not have any sort of disabilities. That is the message I took away from your post. I don't know why you think that I am NOT willing to do what is necessary I am one of only TWO room parents out of 24 kids in this room and I am active at the school and have been for the past 14 years that I have had a child there. I would gladly do her do the job of doing what it takes to help my ds in the classroom if I was allowed to and I have always been willing to work with our kids teachers so that we are supportive of schools expectations at home. What I want is to know what his problem issues are so that I can do whatever I can to make them better --- this would in the end make HER job easier. I also want my ds to be treated with respect instead of disgust and i will never ever think it is out of line to want THAT from the school.

That was not my point at all. My point was that your son should have the same quality education as any other kid. What I'm saying is that by forcing your current educational environment to do that might just make it better for him, but take away from someone else. I'm saying that sometimes it isn't about making the system work for you, but taking your son out of the system that isn't working and putting him in a place that will work for him. Even if that is at a loss for you be it financially or personal time. Maybe it is a different school...private school...with a smaller class size or finding your own resources to teach him until you can get him to a place where he can function in a classroom environment. The longer he is in an environment that is not working for him and may not get better regardless of what the teacher does (because kids will still be a factor one way or another), the more he may feel like a failure. And perhaps his ADHD is better and his behaviors are not because he is reacting to other kids the way he already has as a defense?

A skilled teacher can adjust to individual student needs to a degree. But at some point it feels like a losing battle where no one is getting what they "deserve". Is your son entitled to a customized education at the expense of other students? Is your son entitled to an education...yes. At the expense of others...no. At some point we can not expect a system that is already stretched thin to do more. At some point we CAN start doing what our system does not or can not do. The best advocate for your son is you.

Rather than forcing a square peg in a round hole...or force the hole to fit the peg...you just might find that finding the right hole is better for you, your son and other studen

[stnkyferit]

Wow ok then I will be done here but I first have to say that I disagree that my child with a disability and my ds has others beyond the ADHD is not as deserving of an education as your Child who does not have any sort of disabilities. That is the message I took away from your post. I don't know why you think that I am NOT willing to do what is necessary I am one of only TWO room parents out of 24 kids in this room and I am active at the school and have been for the past 14 years that I have had a child there. I would gladly do her do the job of doing what it takes to help my ds in the classroom if I was allowed to and I have always been willing to work with our kids teachers so that we are supportive of schools expectations at home. What I want is to know what his problem issues are so that I can do whatever I can to make them better --- this would in the end make HER job easier. I also want my ds to be treated with respect instead of disgust and i will never ever think it is out of line to want THAT from the school.

That was not my point at all. My point was that your son should have the same quality education as any other kid. What I'm saying is that by forcing your current educational environment to do that might just make it better for him, but take away from someone else. I'm saying that sometimes it isn't about making the system work for you, but taking your son out of the system that isn't working and putting him in a place that will work for him. Even if that is at a loss for you be it financially or personal time. Maybe it is a different school...private school...with a smaller class size or finding your own resources to teach him until you can get him to a place where he can function in a classroom environment. The longer he is in an environment that is not working for him and may not get better regardless of what the teacher does (because kids will still be a factor one way or another), the more he may feel like a failure. And perhaps his ADHD is better and his behaviors are not because he is reacting to other kids the way he already has as a defense?

A skilled teacher can adjust to individual student needs to a degree. But at some point it feels like a losing battle where no one is getting what they "deserve". Is your son entitled to a customized education at the expense of other students? Is your son entitled to an education...yes. At the expense of others...no. At some point we can not expect a system that is already stretched thin to do more. At some point we CAN start doing what our system does not or can not do. The best advocate for your son is you.

Rather than forcing a square peg in a round hole...or force the hole to fit the peg...you just might find that finding the right hole is better for you, your son and other studen

By LAW - and I AM A TEACHER, EVERY child is entitled to a quality education with the least amount of restrictions within their environment. Please learn your educational law. A parent cannot be in the classroom as an aid to help the child along. The school needs to provide an educational support system. PERIOD. Im sorry your kid is distracted by others kids and their behavior....its a shame that there is probably a parent in denial about their child's issues vs. someone like the OP who is actively seeking help. If you dont like the way your kid is being treated in the classroom, why dont YOU leave YOUR school and find one without fidgeting kids....

In this situation, a 1:1 would be ideal. I would definitely find an advocate.

ETA: the teacher IMO is a boob - you have a child with a medical diagnosis and external therapies in place, and she is not taking that and running with it to advocate for a 1:1, which would make HER life better as well!

[Marltonmom]

ETA: the teacher IMO is a boob - you have a child with a medical diagnosis and external therapies in place, and she is not taking that and running with it to advocate for a 1:1, which would make HER life better as well!

like

[BrenandKaia]

A skilled teacher can adjust to individual student needs to a degree. But at some point it feels like a losing battle where no one is getting what they "deserve". Is your son entitled to a customized education at the expense of other students? Is your son entitled to an education...yes. At the expense of others...no. At some point we can not expect a system that is already stretched thin to do more. At some point we CAN start doing what our system does not or can not do. The best advocate for your son is you.

Rather than forcing a square peg in a round hole...or force the hole to fit the peg...you just might find that finding the right hole is better for you, your son and other studen

Wow....just Wow. Glad it's so late so my mind is a bit mellow, otherwise I probably couldn't even begin to comment here without being inappropriate. And while I do agree that maybe a different school environment might be better for this child right now, I think that is because this teacher sounds like she is making it worse and it very insensitive. I get class sizes are big. I get limited resources. I volunteer every week in our elementary and have since DS15 was young.

I do get your point about taking away from the others for the benefit of one....but despite what you would like, that is something that has to be dealt with. My son has ADHD, diagnosed around the 4th grade. He was always very impulse driven. And there were times he would disrupt other kids...and annoy the crap out of them. But you know what? There were other kids that also managed to cause their own kind of issues in class...without any kind of real special need. Or at least not a diagnosed one. Should we just kick out of public school all kids who don't fit in a certain little mold? And where do we draw the line? If we only didn't have to make schools ADA compliant, think how much money there would be for the other kids. Gosh, why can't the parents of kids with physical disabilities come in and carry them into the bath rooms so stalls wouldn't have to be wide enough for a wheel chair?

How cool it would be if only perfectly average kids would be allowed in...the resources would go so much further. Lets ship the kids who don't fit the mold off to special school where they won't bother anyone. Or just make their parents home school them. Yup, this way of providing education really worked in the past, huh

Ya know, this child could end up being a success (on what ever scale you choose) with some help. Really, the answer is for more money for our schools and more training for our teachers so these issues can be dealt with properly.

I certainly hope your children are always in the mold, but if they aren't you may end up thinking of things one heck of a lot differently.

Oh, my ADHD child? He is a 9th grader getting all A's and B's and we haven't had to speak with a teacher about any kind of behavior issues in a couple of years. He hopes to make the JV soccer team next year and plays in the marching band. He has friends that also seem to be on the right path. He also has all the typical teen issues that make this such a interesting phase of life. Made a little more fun by his ADHD. I don't think any of the kids from his lower grade classes have been too scared by his presence in class. The kids that were good students still are for the most part. The kids that challenged authority still do. Some of the more middle of the road kids still are...some are doing great....some are starting to get in some serious trouble. Wow, too bad we couldn't have in some way screened out Johnny before he started bringing drugs to school....that might really influence some other kids.

[Marltonmom]

Lisa,

You raise an interesting point. My 6th grader with ADHD was diagnosed in 2nd grade. He was a kid who needed plenty of extra support. I remember the behavior plans and my need to pick him up from school on Fridays so if his behavior charts were positive we would get milkshakes on the way home. The parent teacher conferences every spring to try and determine which teacher would be a good match for him next year. There were so many times that he was that square peg trying to fit in a round hole. But you know what? With good support from his elementary school he was the class treasurer in 5th grade and a star math student. He is a happy kid overall.

I think we need to remember that all kids have gifts that they can bring to a classroom. My son has a classmate whose parents are in denial and have resisted any efforts by the school to give support. Even so, I see it as my son learning that's a part of life. Everyone has issues, some are more out front than others, but learning to work with all different people will make him a better person in the long run.

Linda

[Dave and Sarah]

Mommy of Five,

I'm writing this to you as a fellow mommy with ADHD diagnosed children. You are doing what you should be doing - advocating for YOUR child. If you don't, who will? Yes, I'm sure you want your child's classmates to have a quality educational experience, but your first obligation is to YOUR child. Parents of children with special needs get enough lack of support as it is, without needing to hear more when they come looking for support. We've had a variety of experiences with teachers. I'm thankful that currently we are in a small school district that has really stepped up to the plate in meeting our son's and teen-aged daughter's educational needs. However, it didn't start out that way. We had to bring in documentation from their primary physicians and therapists regarding their diagnoses and treatments. When we went in well armed, and in a gentle "we want to work with you to make your experience as the educator the best/most informed possible" we made long strides. When the teachers realized we weren't trying to be the "difficult" parents, but truly wanted to work as a team, we saw a big shift in attitude and willingness to work together. I hope that your situation will be resolved quickly and satisfactorily for you and your child.