I have been barely able to keep my head above water...thus, unable to post. Thanks for support, suggestions, advice, etc. I had also posted on the post adoption board and received some helpful practical suggestions from some other working moms as well...
That said, our crazy life continues...
Payal became very ill shortly after my last post. She was sick for over a week, and dropped back to the weight she was when she first arrived. She had fevers of up to 104 for five days and required around the clock care. We had her to the dr, and hospital for a septic workup. She is better now. DH and DD also got sick the following week, but not as bad. Payal is well now and already has regained all the weight she lost. The good news is that she has become a very accurate vomiter...she hits the bucket or toilet every time now, so we will be ready for the next show! (see my prior post).
Just as the family was recovering, Grandma was dropped off to stay for an undetermined period of time. She can not climb even one step. She cannot get out of a chair by herself. We do not have a shower or bedroom on the first floor...so, I now have a bed next to the piano in the front room and assistive devices for toileting, etc. It is not that I do not want my M in law here, I just would have liked more than 36 hrs notice...Last week her sister died and we had to get her several states away for the funeral. DH will probably bring her back next week.
Work is not better...I do not have the option to just quit or take a leave of absence because I own the practice. There are many issues: malpractice insurance still needs to be paid, nurses, patient coverage, etc. We are considering all options...DH is salaried and has all the "normal" options that an employee has, but his presence or absence does not seem to impact the kids as mine does...Also, he WANTS to work, and I would not mind staying at home.
I tore my biceps tendon...carrying DD and trying to do too much with the free arm. Got a steroid injection which has at least allowed me to sleep without pain. I can still do surgery myself, I just can't hold my arm out to the side and lift anything. Eventually, this tendon will probably have to be surgically reattached. I am afraid if I do it before DD demands to be carried decrease, I may mess up the repair...I can report that Ergo carriers do well through both the washer and dryer. I am hoping this just might get better on it's own, but that's probably just wishful thinking.
The social worker comes tomorrow for a home visit...looking forward to her feedback and my 11 and 13 year old being able to talk to her.
Payal had another one of her "episodes"...I lost this time with a cut and black eye.
JUST WHEN I WAS LOSING HOPE....A MAJOR BREAKTHROUGH!!!!!
DD watched a lot movies while she was sick. The dvd was on pretty on 24/7 because she could not sleep for more that a few minutes at a time. I could not stand another episode of Mickey Mouse Club house which is about the only thing she will watch...I was going through our older dvd's: All the princess movies seem to have some tragedy, so I pulled out "Dumbo" since she like elephants...We have watched "Dumbo" every night for the last two weeks. She cries when "Dumbo" is taken from his mother. She still wants to see it...We got her a stuffed "baby Dumbo", and it is with her everywhere she goes. This is the first toy that she has shown any attachment to.. Her other babies are thrown on the floor and neglected. Other toys have been stepped on and thrown. Her only play has been pretend household tasks and "dress up" or active play with us like the playground, lacrosse, etc. Dumbo is different...She LOVES and cares for Dumbo.
A light went off...it seems she relates to Dumbo on multiple levels, which I am just guessing: I think she sees the stork bringing Dumbo to his mother, and she may interpret this as Dumbo being taken from one mother and brought to another mother he was supposed to be with. She sees that this mother waited for Dumbo and really wanted and loved him. She appreciates the fact that Dumbo's mother protects him...in play she will hold her Dumbo and say " My baby, no touch, get back!" (she could also be reliving her trauma VCT and wished that her foster mother had done this and not let me take her.) She may feel it therapeutic to cry each night with Dumbo when he is taken away from his mother. She tells me I am her baby Dumbo...
She is a completely different child since "Dumbo"...I ordered a second "Baby Dumbo" just in case we lost the original, but I am thinking I might need a few more!
While she is healing, is it still so sad to see her pain, and still feel responsible in some way for it.
Do to our adjustment difficulties, I had scheduled a home assessment...They did a full battery last week: physical, psychometric, speech,etc. The developmental screening put her at 36-40 months, well ahead of her 27 months. Since her ear tubes, her speech has exploded form about 30+ words with 2 word combos to >150 words with up to six word sentences. The girls keep track for me...the longest:" don't take off my ballet shoes".
So, the major issue remaining seems to be my work...Maybe Payal thinks like Dumbo's mother, I am chained up and kept away from her, instead abandoning her??? At any rate, we are exhausted, but progressing. Had a really good family day today with everyone enjoying each other. Payal was even willing to concede that mommy has "two babies"...I think she feels the thirteen y/o is just too big to be a baby since she is my same size. The Movie tonight??? Dumbo, of course!!
Next week will be 6 months since Payal came home! Assuming all goes well tomorrow, we should get the go ahead to start finalization of the adoption...I will let you know how that goes.