Question Regarding Race

[esha]

Hello all. My husband and I are considering Ethiopia but after speaking to adoption counselors and African American friends I am concerned. I am Indian and my husband is Vietnamese. The adoption counselor said it would be confusing for a child because of all the different cultures. She also mentioned that our child would relate more to African Americans. So I spoke to my African American friends to see what they felt about an Asian couple raising a child from Ethiopia and I got some negative feedback.

Any one have personal experience with transracial issues such as this. Don't get me wrong I understand love is important. I am more wondering once our child is older seeking his/her identity.

Thanks

[hikinglorax]

IMO-
Your child probably will relate more to African Americans but that is because they will be African American- if you can provide role models and opportunities for them to develop racial awareness and identity in that culture- so what if they identify more with it. That's how it should be. I don't see where that is any different than my child (who is being raised by white parents) who will more than likely identify with African Americans more too. I hope that she will be bi cultural and comfortable in both worlds. In some ways, you child will have an advantage because you will understand some of the issues facing your child as a person of color in the US- white parents often have no idea of the realities of being a minority and some bury their heads in the sand and don't or won't learn about these issues so I don't see you race as a detriment in this case. Also, I am not sure how confusing it would be- all kids in transracial adoptions have to deal with different cultures- kids adapt. Now if you are both speaking different languages and trying to also learn English- that might be confusing, but dealing with the traditions, etc of a couple of cultures IMO wouldn't be that confusing to kids.

What were your African American friends objections? I just don't think that a child in your home would be any different than a black child in a white home. They are still a different race than their parents, they still have to find their way as an African American.

[SJ's mom]

I agree with the previous poster. I don't see how it is any different that the majority of American families adopting from Ethiopia who are White. Actually, I think your child will have an advantage being in a family of color. All parents who adopt transracially should make sure their child has role models and relationships with people who share their race/ethnicity. Can you ask your African-American friends to help you with cultural issues if you choose Ethiopia and see if their feelings change.

It's upsetting an adoption councelor would tell you that. Would she have said the same if you were Italian and your husband German? Somehow I doubt it.

When we decided to adopt from Korea, my best friend who is Indian was the only one to object to our raising an Asian child. It hurt and gave me pause but it was one opinion. I understood the issues she raised but we knew what was right for our family and what we were willing to do to help our child. After a few serious talks, my friend has been supportive and our kids adore each other. If you are willing to do what it takes to raise a self confident Black child with the understanding that he/she could most likely identify with African/African-Americans, then I can't see why you shouldn't adopt from Ethiopia.

We have a diverse (in all ways) adoption group in my neighborhood. Not all transracial adoptees are White parents with children of color. There's a Taiwanese mom with a daughter from Kazahkstan, a Filipino father with an African-American son, a Salvadorean mom with a Chinese son, etc..

I remember that when I read a collection of writings by adult transracial adoptees, most were justifiable full of pain and anger. The one piece that stood out was an extremely positive piece by a Korean adoptee raised by a Mexican-American family. It might have have absolutely nothing to do with it but I wondered whether the author's experience being raised in a family of color might have helped.

Good luck with your decision,
Lauren

[waitinginWi]

I was just skimming through when I saw this post...OMG. First of all as an AA female (very mixed, my gma is both Ethiopian& Indian among other things) I think its wonderful that you want to adopt from Ethiopia. The issue of race won't be one unless you make it one honestly. My mother raised me so culturally diverse its unreal. Just expose your children to ALL cultures, intimately so that race isnt something they think about. I didn't really start experiencing issues with race until I got to school and it was with those who didn't know about other cultures.

I plan on adopting from India, Ethiopia and possibly Sri Lanka or China...I'm AA, and dh is Caucasian. Don't let someone's paradigm stop you from finding your baby