I agree with the previous poster. I don't see how it is any different that the majority of American families adopting from Ethiopia who are White. Actually, I think your child will have an advantage being in a family of color. All parents who adopt transracially should make sure their child has role models and relationships with people who share their race/ethnicity. Can you ask your African-American friends to help you with cultural issues if you choose Ethiopia and see if their feelings change.
It's upsetting an adoption councelor would tell you that. Would she have said the same if you were Italian and your husband German? Somehow I doubt it.
When we decided to adopt from Korea, my best friend who is Indian was the only one to object to our raising an Asian child. It hurt and gave me pause but it was one opinion. I understood the issues she raised but we knew what was right for our family and what we were willing to do to help our child. After a few serious talks, my friend has been supportive and our kids adore each other. If you are willing to do what it takes to raise a self confident Black child with the understanding that he/she could most likely identify with African/African-Americans, then I can't see why you shouldn't adopt from Ethiopia.
We have a diverse (in all ways) adoption group in my neighborhood. Not all transracial adoptees are White parents with children of color. There's a Taiwanese mom with a daughter from Kazahkstan, a Filipino father with an African-American son, a Salvadorean mom with a Chinese son, etc..
I remember that when I read a collection of writings by adult transracial adoptees, most were justifiable full of pain and anger. The one piece that stood out was an extremely positive piece by a Korean adoptee raised by a Mexican-American family. It might have have absolutely nothing to do with it but I wondered whether the author's experience being raised in a family of color might have helped.
Good luck with your decision,
DS- SJ (5)
DS-HS (2 1/2)