I too had a terrible adoption experience that involved emotional abuse by my mother and sexual abuse by my "dad". And yes, I experienced being the second class child compared to my "golden child" older brother that looked like everybody on my mother's side of the family. I've had no contact with them for 3 yrs now. At this point I feel there will be no contact until the pervert dies and then it's still questionable if I'll even want to speak to my mother. I posted my story for the book that Holt is working on, but I'd be surprised if they include it. If you're interested contact me at email@example.com
. Part of my healing has been to be more open about my misery in hopes of helping other victims speak up and get counseling.
I urge you to seek counseling, preferably Christain. www.troublewith.com
is a good website that'll help you connect with a counselor close by. It is part of Focus on the Family. I have found 2 wonderful counselors through them. Counseling and opening up has been incredible for me. I'm learning to like myself and my posture shows it.
It also helps that I have a wonderful husband (God's best gift to me, next to salvation). I don't think your husband is disinterested in your painful childhood. It may be that he's the typical husband that wants to fix it for you, but has no idea how. So explain that you're not expecting him to solve the problem, but just to listen. Sometimes my husband also reminds me the importance of looking to the future more than the past.
You're not alone. Thanks for being brave enough to post and start the healing process for you and the rest of us.