Just to clarify...what I tend to call a "time out" is more what some in the RAD arena would call a "time in". In other words, we do not ignore Payal when she is in the chair. I will sit right next to her...We then wait together for her to make the "right" decision. Last night for example, she wanted to remain defiant and checkout by going to sleep in the chair...
Although at this point, her behaviors look more like grief/anger/PTSD than RAD we are definitely seeing some characteristics of RAD. To generalize, I think Payal has a lot of anger over being taken away from her foster family that she does not understand. I think it scares her that she has these feelings that she loses control of. I think we need to some how let her express her anger in a safe and acceptable manner. Someday she will understand what happened to her. Until she can understand what happened and that it is expected that she would feel angry, she is confused and unhappy with these feelings...which leads to more unhappiness and insecurity.
DH just got back from the national Neuroscience board meeting. There are some neurotherapy treatments that are showing very good success with RAD...and with rapid results. They are currently working on treatment protocols, and my husband is working on the software. Hopefully, this will be available in the next 12-18 months.
It seems we have a stand off every couple of weeks. Today, after her melt-down yesterday, she was a perfectly normal toddler...Normal in the sense that she exhibited behavior that I am used to see in my bio kids. For example, she wanted to stomp in the puddles at the lacrosse match after I asked her not to. Yay, we are back to toddler 101 parenting--for today. We had a good day together. And, I mean TOGETHER. She did not leave my side all day. She fell asleep in my arms tonight...She always goes to sleep better when I can tell her that I will there be when she wakes up: "no work tomorrow". I do not lie to her...I tell her when I have work and must leave before she wakes up. While this makes for a more difficult bedtime ritual, it is not right to have her wake up and call and go looking for me.. She seems to be understanding that means will see her after work the next evening. She will say," I want to stay home with mommy".